Incoming Chief Executive Mark Kelvin: what Pride means to me
It’s only a week until I join LGBT Health and Wellbeing as the new CEO (I start on 25th April) and I’ve been invited to use this space to share a bit more about myself as we begin to get to know each other better. Camille, our fantastic Communications and Evaluations worker has kindly suggested a few things that you might be interested to hear about over the next few weeks, and for this blog I am answering the question ‘What does Pride mean to you?’. I’m very keen to get to know our community members more and hope to attend some of our groups and events over the coming months. Of course, I respect the privacy and value of these spaces and will be making myself available in other ways too. I’m excited to hear your thoughts and ideas for our future.
So, what does Pride mean to me?
As we get to know each other, you’ll learn quickly that I’m a big fan of therapy, and I’m very happy to speak openly about some of my experiences in various types of therapy. I think one of the reasons that I’m such a big fan is that when people are ready, it can be a great space for healing. We can heal from recent events and wounds that we’re aware of, as well as those lying a bit deeper, or from our past. It’s also a unique space where we can get to know our true selves better and as such, navigate our relationships with the world from a whole new perspective.
As members of the LGBT+ community, many of us experience othering from an early age and our ‘difference’ isn’t always celebrated. Often these messages are negative, and we’re told, directly or indirectly, that we’re wrong, broken, or abnormal, and we can feel shame for who we are.
We still see this today, especially towards Trans members of our community. I identify as queer, and I’m comfortable identifying as a gay man as that’s how most of the world receives me. I’m now at a place where I’m comfortable in my own skin and can hand-on-heart say that I’m proud of who I am. So what’s changed? Some people still feel hate towards me just because I exist, but I’ve learned that’s not about me at all, and I’ve developed a non-stick coating so that dirt doesn’t stick. That stuff washes right off (so long as I take care of my non-stick coating).
Before I began my therapeutic journey, my coping mechanism had been to block out the negative past experiences, and ‘forget about them’. That served a purpose at the time but looking back now I can see that it stopped me flourishing. Imagine a tree; we can’t just lop off the roots that we don’t like, that would stop it growing. I’ve learned to grow down into those roots in order to be able to continue to grow, and to reach a point where I can flourish – for me that’s true Pride.
Political commitments to our community are being rolled back and hate crime and negative press coverage are on the rise. These things wear out our non-stick coating before we even consider our personal circumstances and challenges.
So my short answer to Camille’s question is ‘Pride is the absence of shame’.
That’s one reason that I’m so excited to take up this post. We have an increasing need to connect across the LGBT+ community and support each other to flourish. Despite funding challenges being more difficult than ever, we need to offer the right services that meet the right needs at the right time, and in the right place.
Our community is diverse, resilient, and powerful. I’m excited to get to know you all better and work to offer the services, activities, and opportunities that will help us all to flourish.
Each of us should be able to look in the mirror and hand-on-heart say out loud that we’re proud of who we are. If I can be a small part in enabling that, I can think of no place I’d rather be.
