Bi Visibility Day 2019

Today is Bi Visibility Day and to celebrate, some of our bisexual staff share their personal thoughts and experiences about being visible with their identity.

We would love to hear from anyone else who has something to share for Bi Visibility Day. You can interact on our Facebook page or via Twitter.

Importantly though, we’d like you to know that no matter how visible you feel today or any other day, your experience of bisexuality is valid.

“When people ask me how I can be bisexual, when I’ve been married to my husband for 42 years, I just reply ‘it doesn’t make me straight – it makes me monogamous.”

My coming out story makes me blush now, as I did so as a result of my book being published. Instead of just letting people read about my falling in (unrequited) love with my best friend, I decided I needed to tell everyone beforehand. So I did a whistle-stop ‘Shirley’s Coming Out Tour’ of the UK, which I realise now was totally unnecessary and was actually a rather underwhelming experience, since nobody seemed the slightest bit interested. It was hard, because of course for me it had been a hugely significant and difficult event in my life, especially I was in my fifties at the time (you’ve heard of late bloomers…and then some!).

One friend told me I couldn’t be Bi, because there was no such thing and everyone else just shrugged and asked me if I was sure… Ironically, the people who were most supportive were my husband and my adult children. Followed by my niece, who is one of the only people who asked me how it felt.

So yes, Bi-invisibility is live and well out there. People still think someone’s sexuality is up for debate, so it is really good to be asked to write this and to feel that I am valid and part of this community.’

Shirley (Glasgow Service Manager, maternity cover for 11 months)

“I’ve spent a significant portion of my life thinking my bisexuality wasn’t relevant, and an equally significant portion wondering how to express its relevance to me.”

There was a lot of work in between, and I think for that reason visibility feels really important to me.

I came out later in life and know all too well the feeling of being out of place: not quite fitting in straight spaces but without the herstory and cultural knowledge to feel like I fully fit queer spaces. But our community is always teaching me that everyone’s story is different and valid; and that queer spaces are ours to make and shape.

So for me being visible doesn’t mean I’ve nailed being ‘out’. It means I’m prepared to be seen as I am now and to bring my bisexuality, along with all the other parts of my identity, into the world.

Rosie (Policy and Influencing Manager)

“I believe in self-identification so it is extremely annoying that I find a way to exclude myself from my own mantra by feeling like I can’t claim an identity without the ‘right’ credentials.”

Bisexuality (and any sexuality really) is about how you feel, not how people perceive you. This statement resonated with me and revealed the lingering imposter syndrome that sits within me, whilst being perfectly comfortable with the fluidity of my sexuality.

I have always lived in nuances and love to explore them in my emotions and thoughts. So it makes perfect sense to me that my sexuality exists in nuances. But some people do not do well with nuances: too much grey area when it’s more comfortable to exist in black or white. And unfortunately this rigidity can come from all sides: not settled enough for heterosexuality and not queer enough for bisexuality. But recently, as I’ve started to go to bisexual-centred spaces, I have come to realise that my experience is probably one of the most common amongst bisexual and non-monosexual people.

I believe in self-identification so it is extremely annoying that I find a way to exclude myself from my own mantra by feeling like I can’t claim an identity without the ‘right’ credentials. So at this point in time, visibility for me is about being visible to myself. The only person I need to make sense to, is myself.